I am home from my trip, which is where I was last week. I would still like to reiterate that I am here and you will not become some piece of a book if you want someone to talk to. If you would like a professional or if you have no idea what I am talking about, then please refer to the post I made last week.
This week I will be getting back into the swing of things and posting regularly. I apologize for the delay and craziness that was last week. Now on to the review!
A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest
Astrid’s Description: Sink into a book that rushes every point and refuses to break, no matter what, even when a sentence is definitely a run-on and should have stopped several lines ago… did you see what I did there?
Yeah, I had to stop reading this book at 30%. The writing I had been presented with showed no signs of improving and I did not want to waste my time with it. It may not have been her intention, but she honestly rushed everything. Even the parts that weren’t supposed to be rushed. For example, the main character got upset and run out of her hotel room.
“As I reached the beach, I sped up and raced forward, the sand whipping my heels as I ran. I tried to numb my thoughts and let the night take me. The crashing of heavy waves soothed my ears. My skin tingled with every blow of the gentle summer breeze, the scent of the ocean salt filling my nostrils. I lost track of how much time I spent running.”
Sorry, just a quick pause because I just noticed something else. How can she describe the wind as a “gentle summer breeze” when she is running? When you are active like that, it seems like there is a breeze even when there isn’t. Also, she is running away from the star football player, who is very fast and good at running. He also cares deeply for her, so why he didn’t chase her? Who in the hell knows (by the way, I searched the book, he waits hours before looking for her). Anyway, back to the part I was getting at.
“Once my legs got tired, I slowed to a walk.
“I wadded into the ocean until the water came up to my waist. Lying on my back, I floated and gazed up at the stars. The water seemed to help in calming my nerves, even if it didn’t ease the burning in my chest. I closed my eyes, letting the sea carry me a little further adrift. I wished I could let that moment last forever. I felt so weightless, light, numb…
“I sat up abruptly as a cold wind swept over me…”
*source: A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest, e-book pg. 32
Two and a half sentences, that is what she dedicated to the character “calming down” a lot more could have been added to help the reader get out of the frantic running. Bella Forrest could have done something like,
“The damp sand sucked on my toes as I tossed my cover-up away from me. I waded into the cool ocean water. When the liquid was tall enough to splash against my waist, I fell back into the depths. My head dipped under just long enough for the water to fill my ears and dull my senses. The stars above me twinkled and watched as I lulled and breathed deeply. I happily allowed my surroundings to shed my anxiety from my tight body. I felt weightless as I floated about. I was aware that this moment could not last forever, but I desperately wanted it to. So I allowed myself to lose track of time.
“I became increasingly aware of the temperature dropping around me. It caused me to further pull myself from the cool depths and swim back to shore.”
The other things that bothered me was that she would make a comment about something before it happened. Example:
“But it seemed that I was about to stick around whether I liked it or not.
“A cold hand gripped my arm, twisting my body to face him.”
*source: A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest, e-book pg. 33
It takes away from the shock, or force, when the action is told before it happens. It is a spoiler.
Next on my list is forgetting how a character is positioned. Example:
“As I stood up, I quickly realized that the lack of lighting was the least of my concerns. Metal restraints held me by my wrists and ankles. I tried to pull against the chains. They were fastened to a wall.
“I ran my hand over my damp body. My cover-up and bikini were still damp. I shivered, drawing my knees up against my chest…”
*source: A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest, e-book pg. 37
Nothing in there showed us that she had sat back down after standing up, but then she drew her knees to her chest? Adding a simple “I slumped back down” in there would have cleared it all up.
Then literally in the next paragraph she says “Despite the cold, beads of sweat formed on my forehead.” So the character went from being damp and cold to sweating just by curing into a ball for a few seconds? How does that make any sense?
The last thing I am going to complain about is how stupid the main character is. Here are some pieces of information she saw and collected into her brain only to ask a question not too soon after.
“Fangs protruded from his mouth… I was convinced that I was either drugged with a hallucinogen, or my mother’s sickness had finally claimed me, because, at that moment I believed that I was about to be eaten by a vampire.” There are the bits and six pages later she says, “What are these people?”
*source: A Shade of Vampire by Bella Forrest, e-book pg. 42 & 50
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, its probably a duck.
Oh, bonus! The main male character instantly falls for her because she still has her humanity. Gag!
I will give Bella props for having some spot on grammar and spelling though. I wish she had spent a little more time on everything else.
As usual, I suggest giving it a try. If you do, let me know what you think.
That is all for today.
Be free and keep reading!